its 2010.

and what do i want?

ive been contemplating so much. the hardest decision i'll ever have to make is a bolder resting on my head and my heart. i cant take anyone else's pearls of wisdom on what i should do because its my life and i need to be the one in control of it. every decision ive made in my life has always had someone else in mind before my own. in the past month ive been consciously selfish and though it does feel REALLY strange, so many of my days have changed.

so what dont i want?


2009 was stuffed with feelings of guilt, persecution, underappreciation and distrust. i dont want to be the blame for someone else's misery, i dont want to be yelled at, and i dont want to be hurt as much as i had been this past year ever again.i dont want to have a panic attack ever again. i dont want my chest to hurt because im worried about money to the point where it haunts my dreams. i dont want to lie and i dont want to lie to myself. i dont want to feel anxious about confrontation and i want EACH and EVERY one of my words to mean something.

so what do i want?

my goal this year is not happiness -- its peace and whatever will bring me closer to that is certainly what i desire for the rest of my days on this earth. peace of mind and peace in my heart that im being the best sauce that i can be everyday.

i want the people im surrounded by to be really listening to me and i want to be a better listener. i want to talk less, think more, write every day and be proactive. i want to be more than accomplished at the end of the day - and have no one to thank but myself. i want to develop the person i am and share it with the world through hip hop, writing, painting and creativity.

i want a simple life with more meaning and a lot more peace.