Lady Sauce

easter weekend - much needed family time

2010-04-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

it was my first time back in connecticut since christmas and i actually was anticipating traveling to the good ol state i was raised in to see my family. here are some happy images from the weekend.

me and my lil bro whose just growin up so fast!

i can always count on my sav for a silly face

my favorite little CT driver!

me and my lil cousin gettin our coloring on!

easter morning monkey bread!

empty.

2010-03-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

i really dont feel like updating anything lately.

i feel very empty - and all that has been on my mind are stages of grief and where i need to go from here.

thats all.

february is my least favorite month. come on MARCH

2010-03-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

hey say that march comes in like a lion -- and boy i am more than ready for that. february was the most interesting month that ive had in years and overall -- hated it.

i have a lot to be looking forward to in the next couple weeks. ill give some hints about three of the things im MOST excited about.

1. a week from tomorrow i will be on a plane to SUNNY ORLANDO FLORIDA

2. i just sent my artist so many pictures of my beautiful kitty face. 3/ 20 at 2 PM

3. and last but certainly not least -- i will be seeing my favorite artist Dessa perform live on stage in Boston. i can NOT wait!

...more updates to come!

staying together for the kids.

2010-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

i was 8 years old when my parents were divorced. many children, no matter what age they are, blame themselves for their parents splitting up. my sister did it - the kid actors on TV did it - but i did not ever once feel that i was the blame for my parents splitting up.

i heard this alot when i went to a thearpy group in my catholic school called Rainbows, for kids who were going through divorce or death in their family. it was me and two other kids for about 3 years together - once a week, with one of the only teachers who was divorced as our mentor. it was a space where we could vent freely. in retrospect, im very very happy that i was able to be invovled in something like this -- even though i know the other kids in my class were snickering behind my back when I skipped recess for Rainbows.

this week, ive been thinking about those parents who look past their differences (or just find a manageable way to live with them) and stay together for the children that theyv'e raised or brought to this world together. even at a young age, i knew that my parents were more at peace being apart.

i guess that this reflection just comes out of missing my Beretta Stacks -- every little thing about her. i wonder if she misses me the same, she is just a kitty face but i still feel that we have such a strong connection.

you always remember your first.

hunger for enlightenment

2010-02-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

the lowering of my tolerance also means the crazier my dreams have been having. a friend once told me that this is one of the effects -- and i have to stay that i really believe him now. my dreams for the past month have been insanely complex, frightening and hopeful -- all things considered, a really good head check for myself.

when my eyes opened today - all i could think of was escape to warmth and having a week of silent time just to think. the first thought i had was to jump on a plane to india and sit with a guru, sweating, meditating, thinking and trying to heal myself. then the realist in me thought, that i dont NEED to go somewhere to get back on track (though a warm vacation would be nice) and that the sooner i come to grips with what is going through my head and my heart -- the better.

writing makes me remember, writing makes me forget

2010-02-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

you told me to be honest with myself and to be honest with others. ive heard those words before - and ive heard those words before from your mouth -- but it never hit me so hard.

i would consider myself a very honest person - but have realized over the past few weeks that being dishonest to yourself can turn into perceived dishonesty with others.

i was raised to "not say anything if its not nice at all". this phrase which was first brought to my attention from Thumper in the disney cartoon Bambi - and was reinforced throughout my childhood and young adulthood by my family and the people around me. being the compassionate soul that i am, i was always so afraid to express the feelings i had when treated negatively by others because of this. even until a couple months ago, i would hold this hurt inside in fear of letting the other persons feelings be hurt over mine. even typing this out makes me feel so incredibly lame - and incredibly stupid.

guilt is something that will not hold me down anymore. i never want to put myself through this pain again - and will proclaim it right then and there what im thinking and what im feeling. life is too short not to feel good -- and i need to make more room in my life for good and great things.

still haven't found the words....

2010-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

...but this song does a little bit to describe whats going on.

this week was too long.

2010-01-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

and i dont even have enough words to start to explain it.
ive been writing alot lately in my journal and figured id post them

---

how are your first words chosen, whose the one that you go to when youre broken
im missing those days of social interaction - technological attraction for more than what we ration
high in fashion and higher in the knowledge of truth
lady sauce in the booth cause i cant be silenced
put me right by your side cause ive been the violence
the pressure and the measures we all do to survive
I ONLY KNOW WHAT JOY IS CAUSE IT TAKES PAIN TO FEEL ALIVE
undecided all the time, in life there are too many choices
but im glad that the one you just made resulted in hearing our voices

---

why am i dreaming about clothes?

2010-01-12T07:01:00.000-08:00

this week, ive been remembering alot of my dreams. and for some reason, they have all involved this stress with something im wearing. like a wardrobe malfunction to the supreme and the dream then turns into me having a drawn out anxiety attack about something that i am wearing (or maybe thats not the real issue?).

for example, sunday night - i had a dream that i could only wear monochromatic colored outfits. grey shirt and grey skirt. purple pants with an identically colored purple shirt.

then last night, i had a dream that i was late for my waitress job and that i didn't have a sweater to cover up my tattoos. yes, having a bicep tattoo doesn't really work toward my advantage in this place of my employment, but i never mind covering up. in this dream it took me like 2 hours to climb the stairs in my resaurtant, i was getting later and later and then i realized i forgot my sweater. i woke up from that dream feeling stressed -- and barely could sleep the rest of the night last night (i definetly look worse than i feel today).

but where the hell is this coming from? i really do like to figure out these weird/similar patterns and nuances in my dreams -- as i really think its your subconscious trying to tell you something through them. but this is really troubling me. am i nervous about my appearance all of a sudden? do i hate my wardrobe? do i need new clothes? (i like that one).

maybe its nothing but i was contemplating this in my morning faded thoughts on the T this morning and figured i would write about it.

its 2010.

2010-01-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

and what do i want?

ive been contemplating so much. the hardest decision i'll ever have to make is a bolder resting on my head and my heart. i cant take anyone else's pearls of wisdom on what i should do because its my life and i need to be the one in control of it. every decision ive made in my life has always had someone else in mind before my own. in the past month ive been consciously selfish and though it does feel REALLY strange, so many of my days have changed.

so what dont i want?

2009 was stuffed with feelings of guilt, persecution, underappreciation and distrust. i dont want to be the blame for someone else's misery, i dont want to be yelled at, and i dont want to be hurt as much as i had been this past year ever again.i dont want to have a panic attack ever again. i dont want my chest to hurt because im worried about money to the point where it haunts my dreams. i dont want to lie and i dont want to lie to myself. i dont want to feel anxious about confrontation and i want EACH and EVERY one of my words to mean something.

so what do i want?

my goal this year is not happiness -- its peace and whatever will bring me closer to that is certainly what i desire for the rest of my days on this earth. peace of mind and peace in my heart that im being the best sauce that i can be everyday.

i want the people im surrounded by to be really listening to me and i want to be a better listener. i want to talk less, think more, write every day and be proactive. i want to be more than accomplished at the end of the day - and have no one to thank but myself. i want to develop the person i am and share it with the world through hip hop, writing, painting and creativity.

i want a simple life with more meaning and a lot more peace.

today is my birthday!

2009-12-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

and it was surely an interesting one at that.

stumbled upon this picture from way back. still one of my best birthday memories ever. so hard to believe this was 4 years ago -- but even better to believe that these friends are still the closest ever to me.

merry fucking christmas.

2009-12-25T11:45:00.000-08:00

i guess its a streak that i ruin Christmas. my mom told me that two years ago that i did (when she found my Dali wrist tatt) - and she told me again today. i know shes stressed but i try to take it with a grain of salt. but when some of the only people you truly trust and love tell you that you ruined what is supposed to be the happiest day of the year, you can help but taking it personally.

my whole life, i just wanted to give my all to those that i love. in doing so, i guess i believed that it would be reciprocated. this year ive learned that this is not true. i also in order to demand respect from those who should have been giving it to me all along, you have to be incredibly blunt and honest, even though it cripples me inside to think how i may or may not be hurting their feelings.

there are somethings that you can win and somethings that you just cant. unfortunately ive been comfortable with the latter -- and it hurts my heart and soul to think that. it hit me this fall that i have to change this empty feeling that i have way too often. i made so many concious changes and told myself that i would NOT FEAR anything, as long as i lived with truth and passion. i told my aunt that ive been feeling selfishly because ive been thinking of myself more, and putting my feelings first. she told me that it was called self caring, and that she was waiting my whole life to hear me say that.

next christmas, there will be no regrets, and hell maybe i'll ruin christmas again -- but guess what? im not settling for ruining myself anymore.

suspicious minds

2009-12-25T10:52:00.000-08:00

my father used to play this song (originally done by Elvis Presley) covered by the Fine Young Cannibals in the mid 80s. my little sister and i used to run around the house, dance and sing every word at the top of our lungs for hours it seemed. this is one of the cute memories that actually does come back to me when i think of my past.

im in east hartford for christmas and every time i visit (which is next to never) something about the concept of home and my past hits me. the other night i visited a really good friend of my sisters who has such a strong heart and concious. as we were leaving, she told us to put it ion the radio station that we were listening to all night.

and these lyrics just hit me so hard - thank you ELVIS.

We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby

Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

So, if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Asking where I've been
You can't see these tears are real
I'm crying

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And be can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

Oh let our love survive
Or dry the tears from your eyes
Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know
I've never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah

actions will have to speak louder than words - and both of us need time to heal.

hello free time!

2009-12-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

im officially only down to two jobs as of 8:15 am this morning. so of course im over excited and jumped right into one of the creative projects i was working on when i had this magical thing known as free time.

finished an illustration this morning that i modeled off an old spanish singer poster. i love this style of art so much and it gave me great practice when the pen tool -- which i haven't picked up in so LONG!

i call it -- "chula sauce" ;D

i cant wait for dessas new album.

2009-12-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

one of my all time favorite artists that was introduced to me this year is an inspiring female mc hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota. she release an EP entitled "False Hopes" a few years back, and i always find myself coming back to it at the perfect times in my life.

here are the lyrics to a song called 551 - one that is really helping me stay together these days.

She's a latter day saint
But she's a Saturday sinner
Suicide Sunday dessert for weekends drinking her dinner
The worry keeps her slender
The pills keep her awake
Her man can't make her happy but he helps to still the shakes

I met her boyfriend at the bar he said he'd stick to beer
Said I could keep the cocktails, martinis taste like tears
I asked if he would leave her
What with all the grief
He passed the pitcher back to me and asked what I believe
I said virginity is a childhood disease
And these days it seems have interest for the addict thief
Patience for the underdramatic, but brief
There's only four ways to aquire
Anyone who says different is a salesman or a liar
And you can find it, earn it, burn it, make it or steal it
I haven't found a single way to keep it
Cause you can leash it, it'll leave
You can teach it to stay and it'll leave
You can case and display, decay and waste it away
And day by day it leaves you by degrees
He put his hand on my knee, sometimes that's what it takes
He doesn't make me happy but he helps to still the shakes

Congratulations to the dry eyes
Consolations to the nice guys
And condensation's on the underside of everything I touch
I seem to chill the objects that I meant so much to love
A man can keep you sane five-hundred-and-fifty days
A year and a half, give or take an afternoon
We should have sooner left the train but we made it
I guess that makes us the survivors
We're blooming in my brain, I hate it
But it makes the colors brighter
It's like the anesthesia despite the man that leaves ya
Like the sad disease you contracted while sitting boring and bored
Come back with a lab report
Your nervous disorder
Won't leave for richer or poorer

check Dessa out at www.doomtree.net or myspace.com/dessadarling

this is how im feeling right now.

2009-12-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

as my good friend early adopted would say, "iced 40s save lives!"

life is good.

destinations in mind.

2009-12-15T13:19:00.001-08:00

this summer was one of the best i've ever had in the city of Boston - and barely did any kind of escaping. until this summer ive always felt that i needed to get a breath of non-city air every 6 or 8 weeks. and i haven't felt that in a long time. for a summer that lasted so long (yes, it was 60 degrees the first week of december) i've been completely content and comfortable in my city -- only leaving once in September and once in November for thanksgiving.

until last week, i never saw myself leaving boston ever again. i actually really have found my home here and i had to come to terms on that independently. ive recently made new friends, have had many new ideas, and have reconnected with old friends who make me laugh until my stomach hurts. i still have that part of my heart that wants to jet to california forever, but for now -- i just think i really need a vacation.

money is a really important factor when considering a vacation -- but doesn't mean that i need a lavish vacation to refresh my life. actually, im way more on the side of spending the least amount of dough you can while visiting another place -- and doing so makes your journey so much more exciting.

here are a few places that i would love to journey to in the next few months:

1. CHIGAGO

Sunrise at the Gate
Originally uploaded by John Rav

ive been hearing so many great things about this "windy city" lately -- and how the young generation of chicago is boosting its art culture much more these days. my coworker raves about the city -- and has been on my mind all year!

2. AMSTERDAM

if you know me, the reasons are pretty obvious here. i want to tour the entire European Union before I hit 30 years old, but the next stop MUST be this amazing city of Amsterdam

well, actually thats all i can think of for now. anyone want to help me get to these places or know of any deals that are coming up for airfare? i got the travel BUG! :D

let's give it up for the old school lady mc's

2009-12-14T12:55:00.000-08:00

ive been mucha inspried by my first favorite female rappers lately. bringin it back to 94 - oh yes.

LIL KIM

FOXY BROWN

im okay if youre okay (pysch)

2009-12-14T12:43:00.000-08:00

with the holidays only two weeks away, i tend to start freaking out about 1. christmas presents and 2. the new year. i have had one hell of a 2009 and have accomplished leaps and bounds beyond that in which i thought i could. money and business was absolutely first this year -- and learned how to sacrifice more than i ever have. as i wrote about in the summer, my new hunger for money and peace has certainly taken over and i feel stronger than ever.

i want to use this blog more and more -- to practice writing and to share with that wide world of the internet out there. time of mine is precious, but i want to be committed to sharing and writing especially as this year comes to a close. i feel that i am someone who has something to say and i really think that theyre are people out there listening. i want to step my writing game up alot more as well, as i'm starting to become more of a pro-blogger on Mind Equal Blown (an up and coming music review site). so whatever is on my mind - im going to eleborate it one post at a time everyday. i know i can do it!

i feel that i am on the brink of something incredible -- and that i must keep working hard today for a better tomorrow.

i haven't been this inspired in years.

2009-12-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

dope pictures i found on flickr.

2009-11-23T15:26:00.000-08:00

the creative commons is amazing!

will you still love me, tomorrow?

2009-11-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

my sister and her friend came up on saturday afternoon for a quick visit - and oh it was exactly what i needed while i put my head back together this weekend. my stomach still hurts from laughing -- and just loved their spice of east hartford that they bring with them whereever they go. on the way to dinner, our friend lindsey said this, and it was JUST what i needed to hear.

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter dont mind.

true that!

on the topic of: embarassment

2009-11-23T06:32:00.000-08:00

i could be quoted saying that i'm not embarrassed of anything. i am a very real and shameless person because i dont believe in living a life doing things you regret. always believed that mistakes are lessons and in my adult life have learned from so many. im a control freak by nature, but theres one little thing that lets me relax from these tendendies. youve guessed it? the bloody drink.

friday night, i really fucked up. the fact that i dont recall 90% of it in my memory is even worse. i have no idea what came over me -- but i know that its partially on the line of unforgiveable and i dont plan on going out for sushi for a while. i woke up saturday morning trying to put the pieces of the puzzle back together, crying -- doing the normal beating up that i do to myself when i feel like ive failed the people i love. thinking of all the reasons i could have dipped that low and got that tispy, running to make it to work on time, wondering if my man and my good friends (who i owe a million more apologies to all three) would ever let me (1) forget the events and (2) forgive me for the pryotechnics of an empty stomach with too much booze and a loud mouth that works to my disadvantage when i black out now.

a lesson learned? oh hell yes. do i hate myself right now as im writing this? hell no. it took me about 72 hours to come to terms with myself, but after hours of contemplating at my weekend job and lots of thinking during some therapeutic cupcake baking meditations, i know that im NOT perfect and everyone fucks up. its a good "check" with myself with what im doing with my life and how it can be very easy to reach that point of no control -- especially when the "sauce" is involved. i tend to forget how small i am as well, and cant drink the way that i used too.

growing up is all about this -- and putting it all out here on this good old blog will remind me even more to keep it real and not loose my shit again like that. in the meantime, i lot of work to do still with adjusting my tolerance, and thank everyone for being a true friend and helping me stay in "line" (haha) everyday.

my christmas | birthday list -- for anyone out there curious.

2009-11-14T14:57:00.000-08:00

i woke up with a slight pounding on my brain and when my eyes adjusted, i realized that its NOVEMBER 14. holy fuck - the end of the year is actually in sight. 2009 has been one hell of one and im really happy to be making big moves towards bigger and better things in 2010.

but let us NOT forget the major events of the end of the year (which = lots more vacation time, thank heavens) - thanksgiving, christmas, MY BIRTHDAY! (12/30) and new years eve. all these festivities gear tend to put me in a fantastic mood for most of january and february aka before Boston turns to winter hell.

im home from a 9 hour day at the cafe that i work at on the weekends -- and feeling like i do every week these days, BROKE! to lift my spirits, i thought that i would come up with a christmas/birthday list of things that would be most definetly would be dope to receive as gifts this upcoming holiday. now, im NOT the materialist type...what so EVER...but a girl can dream right?

1. CLAWMONEY gear - my girl keeps cranking out the goods with her signature line that ive always adored (but never could afford). guess what! they are actually having a sale on hoodies now that is out of this world -- like 50%! i would wear/own annnnnything on this site (in an XS plz) but im HOPING that these joints stay on sale till next payday. CLAW a personal hero of mine, is doing the damn thing: http://store.clawmoney.com/womens1.html

2. Tattoos - im honest when i say this, I really dont even care what or how or when. i haven't got an excuse in the world to pay for a tattoo cause, well, i live paycheck to paycheck to survive right now and a savings account isn't in sight until i have a better paying gig, finally win big on bingo scratch tickets, or obama gives me money for my student loans. i haven't been tattooed in now over 3 years and for someone who ran out the door to get one at midnight on her 18th birthday, its been so long.

and last but not least, CA$H - i got more bills to pay making me ill everyday and cash works just about everywhere!

i guess im not THAT much of a dreamer -- maybe i just realize that i dont want more STUFF (especially since im really thinking about MOVING?) im living more by necessity everyday and permanent gifts (or hoodies cause you can never have enough of those) are truly the best to me right now.

i need my hair did.

2009-11-11T15:09:00.000-08:00

bangs are SO long!

mind equals blown

2009-11-10T12:32:00.000-08:00

well some very VERY exciting news has come to my attention and brought a little happiness into my life. i'm an official freelance writer for an up and coming music blog called MIND EQUALS BLOWN. i'm going to be their first RAP writer and am so excited at the opportunity and challenge.

i have a feeling that great things are coming.

bricklayers - redlist & sauce - guru grille, plymouth MA

2009-11-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Many thanks to JOSH HW for taping, editing and posting this video of our performance of "Bricklayers" at the Guru Grille, in Plymouth MA a few weeks ago.

the fairness of life and the success of a life unfair

2009-11-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

“Well guess what Seana, life is not fair”.

Oh, those words still echo in the walls of my mind when they came out of my parents mouth after I said, “But that’s not fair”, when I was a wee little sauce. “That’s not fair!” was a favorite saying of my little sister, who was the more “needy” one of my siblings. I learned very quickly to use these words wisely - or, not at all.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

2009 has been a great year for the analysis of who I am as an adult and where I want to go with my life. 2009 was a year where I was finally SELFISH and started to take care of myself in the way that I should have been doing my entire life. 2009 was the year that one of my parents and giver of life, my father, abandoned me and my siblings – and tried to blame us for his lack of compassion, money, and sanity. 2009 is the year that I started treating my depression and anxiety issues – and decided I would not let anyone make those decisions for me anymore. 2009 is the year I taught myself how to paint, cook and bake – and lost the stubborn weight that was plaguing my self esteem for years.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

The other day, my man and I were going over things we needed to do and then he mentioned that he was going to make some quick money off of doing a pretty simple task for one of our close friends. I responded with a big sigh and said, “UH that’s not fair that you can make that kind of money!” – while I bust my ass for 70 hours a week, to pay off loans that I will have until I’m 60 years old. He responded with, “well I’ve put a lot of time, and effort into learning these skills with music and design – so tell me how that’s not fair.” I agreed – and told him that I couldn’t wait for the day that I could start doing the same with design in mind. His statement was just – but it lead me to way more thoughts as the weekend went on.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Life isn’t fair because those same talents and skills that you put a lot of time, determination and effort in is because you had two supportive parents, with Masters Degrees, who were smart with their money, loyal to each other, and always put the bright future of their children before themselves. Right there – is enough to plea my case but I’m longwinded so here we go.

Life isn’t fair because the public and private school system I went to my entire life never had a program where we could learn how to use design programs on a computer – never mind advanced art or music classes. Life isn’t fair because my mom who gave her all to us is still the one suffering because her dad left her too and has only recently come back into her life as a dying old man. Life isn’t fair because I was one of 3000 kids who went to my high school – who didn’t have the support or influence of anyone older or wiser than me. Life isn’t fair because there were days that I didn’t eat supper – and winters where that same winter jacket “had to do” for another year in a row. Life isn't fair because my fathers alcohol addiction caused him to beat the shit of out me and my sisters and left broken blood vessels in my face that you can still see today. Life isn't fair because the beatings stopped when my parents were divorced or my father "found GOD" - the memories are too blurry to remember which came first.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR – but LIFE IS GOOD. And that’s what keeps me working so hard every single day - cause I've been blessed with a survivors heart, a creative mind, and a resilient personality that will get me through the toughest times. I wasn’t given the same opportunities as you, or you ,or you – but I wont stop at anything until I get to where I know I’ll be shining (and hopefully making a pretty penny as well!)

All in time – gotta keep on the GRIND.

my love / hate relationship with BOSTON

2009-10-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

in january, i will have been a resident of the city of Boston for 5 years. FIVE YEARS?!?! whoa.

five years ago, i never thought i would be saying this -- or even would be alive so i guess its not as scary or shocking as im making it out to be.

BOSTON IS MY HOME.

after high school i fled to the west coast -- san diego to be exact -- and was there for a year and some change for college. i never felt so free, smart, and independent (well...until now) but my family needed me as much as i needed ME. 2004 brought alot of changes and by january 2005 i was climbing upstairs with boxes, into one of the seediest apartments i ever lived in (of course a Northeastern dorm). a handful of people from my highschool went to school in the Bean, but never found the time to visit or hang out enough. i dipped into an immediate depression that ive only recently began to start to heal.

i lived in countless apartments. i was hurt by alot of people, and have been loved by few. ive always had at least two jobs and a smile on my face most of the time. i graduated college two years ago and have held a full-time job since ive graduated. ive scrapped so many pennies, and i know there are alot more to find and scrape. im going back for my second degree and am learning incredible new things about myself everyday.

every other day for the past 5 years, ive thought of going bac, back to cali. the urge especially comes when the weather SUCKS (which is does 9 months of the year here) or when im bored with who i am or what i've come to. those thoughts really ran away this summer. every now and again, redlist and i mention just picking up and peacing out to the best west coast - but we know where our "home" is.

riding the silver line the other day, it hit me though. i dont want to go ANYWHERE. i love BOSTON. i love boston even when a crackhead man is about to throw up on me after asking me for a spare cigarette. i love boston when it rain, pours, snows, or is 90 degrees all in the same day. i love reaping off the tourists and knowing streets that people didn't even know exist in this city, like the back of my hand. i love bostons consistent attitude and rich rich history of literally the place the country started its revolution. i really believe that i belong here -- and for the first time EVER the other day, i thought to myself "i really want to be here. and stay here"

maybe my family will start to realize that I LIVE HERE and THIS IS MY HOME. next Tuesday i will be standing in line at the RMV ready to smile real big for my Mass ID picture. i'm really excited.

will be writing more on this subject as it is something i ponder quite frequently.

adjusting my tolerance

2009-10-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

something ive been thinking about alot lately.

ADJUSTING MY TOLERANCE -- on so many levels.

its little things that lead me to make changes in myself for the better, but sometimes it takes me a long time to notice. i am ever so thankful for my best friend and man in my life who is honest with me.

i think a sign of maturity, and my own maturity is when you do hear criticism or brutal honestly, to not put up a defense right away. even though the truth is shocking sometimes you just really have to sit back and think about it -- and actually change.

i was never afraid of change. i think its a good thing -- of course if its for the better and best that you can be.

thats all for now.

pats saying

2009-09-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

i work with a woman named pat - and she honestly reminds me of an older version of myself. she is a great listener, the life of the party, and has more zest for life than most children do.

she has a slew of old sayings and adages - but one stuck out to me this week.

"since when did inmates start running the asylum?!"

just really interesting to think about -- and realize.

the giving tree

2009-09-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

for my new design class (which i will rant about at another time) we had to read the famous poem by shel silverstein. this poem always seems to come back to me at certain parts of my life - and i assess it and interpret it differently every single time it seems. there are quiet alot of emoitions embedded in the words of it - and our assignment was to graphically (and in Adobe Illustrator) create our response to the poem.

here is my response:

"I wish I could give you something, but I have nothing left"

this poem intermediately reminded me of being taken advantage of -- and in this case, being taken advantage of your whole life and in the end -- the person who always gave is happy in the end. this was something i recognized with alot of my friends and especially my biological father in the year - few months. and the hardest thing was for me to let go -- even when i had nothing left to give.

i love my little sister.

2009-09-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

im honored to be a part of my sisters junior year in highschools AP summer reading papers. she sent this to me last night as today is her first day of school. happy tears came to my eyes as i read this -- and i realized how close we are through her words, and how much she loves me.

I am not sitting here and agreeing with Frankl because I have no proof to back it up. I do. Being the youngest of two older sisters, I firsthand witnessed their high school and college “love drama”. My oldest sister, Seana, someone who is probably my biggest inspiration in life, seemed to always get hurt by boys. Each boy provided something different but each time they broke up, Seana told me she was happy because she knew they weren’t bringing out the best in her. Two and a half years ago, she met someone who did. In those short years I realized how much my sister changed. She is trying new things and living life to the fullest she can. I wholeheartedly believe it’s because she has fallen in love. She has found someone who understands her and trusts and her and most importantly, loves her.

im so lucky <3

daily reminders for me.

2009-08-25T11:00:00.001-07:00

i would wear this.

2009-08-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

my friend here at work really supports my vintage style quest -- and is actually part of the burlesque pinup culture as well. she always passes these great ladies blogs and etsy stores along to me -- and i get so excited to learn about this style and incorporate it into my own.

today, my new favorite blog, vixen vintage, featured an article and photos of topsy turvy design - who are incredible hat makers. here is the one that stole my breath away:

can you see me in this? maybe a potential photoshoot purchase for the EP coming up this fall! i cant wait to have more $$ and purchase this for my wardrobe. definetly think i was born a few generations late, but am so excited to fuse what i love into my own personal style.

more facebook inbox searching | poem for redlist

2009-08-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

i love that i suprise myself -- so glad that ive always been writing.

heres something i wrote for jake in the first few months that we started dating (melts inside)

hes the redlist, correct in his stance and his flow
im the sauce, city born straight from the eight six oh
hes the one creating tracks with reason and recycle
while im in the in the kitchen making cookies with celph titled
hes most attractive, with the softest skin and lips ill always be kissin
im that girl, kickin it at the symph and the hill dubbed mission
hes the bboy, different, fresh hat for every single element
and if we were in cali, we’d both be getting “hella” bent
hes THE ONE, so all the others, move out of the way
im the one supporting his craft, every night, every day
hes the dream i found that i could never know could be reality
thankful beyond all words, swiping cards for our weekly salary
hes only one I trust and can translate my handwriting
still the luckiest lady, seeing hims like shooting star sighting
boppin our heads to the beats and the breakdowns in any kind weather
so sure were meant to do this thing called life together

<3

facebook inbox searching

2009-08-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

i was just pondering the many ways that i love my man and thought out of curiosity that i would see if i could find the first message jake and i sent over facebook. to my surprise i did.

the sweetness of this makes me tear up!

<3 team j&s - 11.11.06 till infinity! <3

artistic obession

2009-08-20T12:42:00.001-07:00

redlist told me that i should make art that i enjoy -- if i wanted to make art. something that is so simple, but sometimes very hard for people to grasp. this is what i did when i started writing graffiti and what a wonderful world that opened up for me. since my arrest and time away from street writing -- ive been in and out of depression and have to admit that i put art on the backburner for years because i just didn't have the same drive that i used to. thankfully with the usage of my beautiful antidepressants and the wonderful season, i have started painting and creating art that i like -- but is a step above to actually create (well more than just writing letters).

this new art ive been creating is definitely an evolution -- am do only believe that i am at the beginning of where i can go and grow with this. i actually wouldn't even know what to call "it" because the style that i am attracted to the most really came out of a fusion of different artistic and cultural combinations.

its also the certain style that ive always seen myself looking like and dressing as. something that has also been way easier to do and very motivating since ive lost all of my "depression" weight of about 15 extra pounds that i never wanted on my body anyway.

the best words i have to describe it are: "day of the dead - vintage pinup - chola - hiphop chick"

i found an INCREDIBLE artist today and i cant stop searching his site at all! his name is mike giant and also a writer, is totally on this style that i LOVE that i dont have enough words to describe.

check him out at www.mikegiant.com

things lately.

2009-08-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

i dont know if i should blame it on my genetics, the season or on the people that im pissed at -- but why is everyone so CRAZY lately. its like they are not living in reality -- or not seeing the same same life that im living. maybe its just my age and that people have a problem with consistently being an adult -- or the respectable person that led you to believe they were. just reiterates my trust (or should i say lack there of!) issues and ive never felt stronger about loving myself first.

this week was the start of the semester at the educational institution that i work at -- and i have the opportunity all week to orientate my new students (some who are in america for the first time ever!) with the culture of a U.S. classroom, the law school system in the U.S. and most importantly, help them adjust from their respected countries and cultures to that of Boston. they all are such sweethearts, and although i helped them alot (because its literally my job to) they are super greatful and appreciative.

today, a student came up to me who i have been helping for about a year now. she said, "i know that everyone thinks that youre nice and sweet and helpful -- and you are but i want you to know that i see that you are a very strong woman. i can see it in your eyes that you are tough and i really like that about you."

what an awesome complement to weigh out all of the bs that i've been dealing with.

the cup is more than half full.

2009-08-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

yes, i will get my revenge and i have nothing holding me back. so much rage is fueling my thoughts now, but im really okay with it. its another step of my "grieving" - or what i most like to refer to as a healing process.

these have been my affirmative thoughts lately:
+ i win
+ my time is more valuable than yours
+ handmade, homemade & trying to as much DIY as possible
+ blunt honesty
+ no time for sleep
+ fuck you, pay me.
+ revenge is so much sweeter when im right and youre wrong
+ use writing and painting to vent anger
+ takin down two people i hate in this life (via the internet)
+ turn other peoples stupidity to lessons & $$$

oh, and im back to working two jobs again. gonna tough this out for the next few months and then about to make some REAL big moves. watch out now.

slackage -- in the best way.

2009-08-14T07:27:00.001-07:00

oh blog ive missed you so much. being at home all week should have given me more motivation to write and update you -- but without the internet at home, i really have focused my attention on my painting, writing and cooking.

my first "staycation" went really well -- and by WAY too fast! i did manage to get out of the city for a little weekend getaway with redlist's amazing family up to NH. i loved the silence, the laughs, the RAPS and the fresh air. we even brought beretta and she just had too much fun exploring the mountain chalet.

i got to chillll with my (little bro) john's lady Emily and she just is the most adorable 17 year old ive met in a long time. shes got a creative positive outlook and so much zest and toughness to her strong petite frame. alot about her reminded me of myself -- and wish that i knew as much as she did when i was her age. john has been creating beats and incredible musical creations on reason and has been getting so dope at the art of rhyming. i feel like he is really finding his voice and there is so much power behind what he knows. redlist and him plan to do a project soon -- and i hope that miss emily and i can add some flavor to that!

i really dont want summer to end -- holding on to these last days as much as i can for real.

old pitchas.

2009-08-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

my little sneaky sister recently got her hands on some old pictures of me and my family from back in the day. ive been editing them all afternoon -- so glad i know how to use photoshop a little bit.

heres my favorite one:

it describes the summer of 1992 so perfectly. it was one that i would never forget -- and one that i first remember.

random design during the weekend.

2009-08-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

just felt the need to make these and play around in photoshop on saturday. thought id throw em up here -- kinda give you a feeling of how ive been feeling lately.

looking into the eyes of chris palko.

2009-08-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't stopped talking about this, but the CAGE | DEPART FROM ME show was unreal and unbelievable fun. certainly making it the best show ive ever been a part of in boston. this picture just speaks 100000 words from the evening.

a legendary artist that i respect so much!!!

chris rock on ellen - october 2008

2009-08-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

holy shit! my boyfriend would be pissed to know that i was watching ellen, but as soon as i flipped the channel i saw chris rocks face -- and knew that i would be pleased. ive ALWAYS thought that chris rock was hilarious, down to earth and definetly one of the best comedians of recent times.

this was a rerun, and ellen and him were talking about halloween and the election. chris rock not only slayed her questions with an extremly funny answer on both topics -- but brought the real truth to light through doing so -- and THATS why entertainment starts and THAT is why i'm such a big fan of mr. rock.

heres a link to the interview - it really is funny if you watch it! too large to embed in this blog (...thats what she said): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2i_ZxLU9bU

[talking about halloween]

ellen: what are you going to be?

chris rock: "me -- i'm just going to be white. im always white on halloween. its great -- PEOPLE respect you. just any ol' white person. people hug me, ask me how i'm doing? sometimes i stay white until november 4th. "
--------

ellen: i dont think you have any opinions on this - but lets talk about the election.

chris rock: well i think that obama is gonna win. and you know why i think hes gonna win? cause hes KENYAN and you c an beat a kenyan in a race.

ellen: [laughs and says something not really that important]

chris rock: if you took a plane right now to vegas, and i got on a kenyan - i'd get on a kenyan - id beat you there.

myspace design

2009-07-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

just putting this up here as something that ive created -- not sure if i'm going to use it. just felt like designing today :]

working while wearing headphones

2009-07-31T07:11:00.000-07:00

...is just so amazing. i'm so amped that its friday and that I am going to see the incredible CAGE KENNYELZ this evening at harpers ferry. just got a pair of earbuds for the j-oh-b and will have them in my ears all day! theres no one in my office and its just a great day indeed.

ohhhhhhh mannnnnn -- been waiting all summer for this night!

now, tell me how you really feel!

2009-07-27T15:19:00.001-07:00

i think that i almost went over the character limit on my facebook update, but i felt like i wanted to continue this thought for different audience here in this space.

ive been scrapping for pennies every single day and it really doesn't get easier -- but I KNOW that i cant give up. i did loose 18 pounds in the last two months from seriously cutting my eating back (due to the lack of funds -- and a hunger for really something else ...cough cough...that DOUGH aka MONEY). physically im feeling good -- but mentally my mind is crunching numbers and due dates, when i should really be thinking of something else -- like my album or my family or i dunno, what classes I should be enrolling in. instead im up at 4 am checking my bank balances, trying to remember how many bottles ive had to return so i can buy enough packets of ramen for the week so that i can eat "brunch" at work.

i know that ive mentioned before in previous blogs, that ive never had or come from any sort of money. ive ALWAYS had a job (or two) from the time that i could start legally working -- and can really say that ive been supporting myself every dime of the way since i was 17. REALLY. REALLY. sure there were gifts here and there (mostly consisting of food -- which i would prefer to not spend money on anyway). and it could be said that ive done just about anything for money -- except sell any of my reproductive organs or offer them to anyone else. that line i will not cross -- but am pretty much up for any research study, gig, and part-time craigslist scheme to make sure that my bank account isn't in the red everyday.

living in boston is certainly an expensive lifestyle -- IF you make it out to be. i was raised to be a thrifty little bitch - and team j and s now live that lifestyle of being comfortable in an incredibly priced apartment space -- and spending money on ONLY the nessicites.

the dilemma that recently graduated college kids always make is whether to go home after college -- that is if you have the evil ugly bitch Sallie Mae, to pay back for fronting you the $100,000 to go to the school of your choice, which you whole-heartdley believe that you deserved. it was the smartest decision i made (which i knew i would always) to stay in boston because i'm surely making bank compared to my fellow east hartford high graduates, and have created an incredible network for my future career steps already in this city.

yeah, my mom and i got screwed when it came to the FASFA and Sallie Mae cause my biological father didn't want to give out his financial information to see if i could qualify for more federal aid. he and his wife also had 4 kids in the time that i entered high school -- to the my second year in college (from 1999 - 2006).

not to sidetrack or anything, but according to the department of agriculture and welcome from statistics from the year 2004 -- a child takes a single american parent 11,000 to raise a child for one year. (i'm almost positive that this number is higher now) now multiply this by 4 and you get $44,000. Now multiply that per year since my father starting having more children and you get a great big beautiful number of $440,000. WOW. And this man already had two children (my younger sisters) before that in 1988 and 1993. NEVER paid a dime to help our mother who was truly supporting us, and never has he given her the respectable time of day.

any you wonder why i am for birth control? put that shit in the water and give every male a vasectomy until hes got a high school degree, a full-time job, and $50,000 in the bank. SHIT.

lets see -- a 4 year education is estimated at $150,000 -- which means that me and my two (way more intelligent) sisters could have had "free" college education, plus maybe a little extra spending money so i didn't have to sell my blood every 54 days so that I could buy books for school, or live in the shittiest section on the edge of boston in a 8x8 square room because it was all i could afford. THANKS SEAN.

sorry for the tangent, and before i end this rant, i should really get back to the point which i started off this entry talking about. paying for COLLEGE. i was walking down the street sweating my ass off returning bottles from this weekend, and these three angelic glowing girls huffed as i asked them to move out of the way. i wanted to slap them in the face more - but it reminded me why i dont go walking around college campuses anymore.

SO if your parents or loved ones are paid for you to go to college, are currently paying for you to go to college, even kicked in a few grand here and there -- you better wake up every morning and tell them that you love them. you NEVER have an excuse to skip a class or earn anything less than an A. and if you dont have a job and graduated less than 2 months ago, you should be fuckin ashamed of yourself.

my degree is like the parchment that your degree is on too. mine will never come off my shelf and i will hold this great achievement high in the air for as long as i live. the fibers of that piece of paper are intertwined with phone calls to my mother, asking her for advice on life and her spending every last second on the phone with me to make sure that i didn't cry myself to sleep when it got that tough. the letters of my name that grace it are embossed with the sleepless nights, hungry hours and self-determination that i put into each one of my classes for the 4.5 years that it took to finish my Bachelors of Science degree. the only other people i give credit to MY degree are my mother, grandmother, two younger sisters, to the love of my life REDLIST and his family for continually supporting me through the years it took me to get there.

think about my story, before you throw your finger up at someone for crossing the street in front of your car, or chuckle in your head when you see a young soul returning bottles or passing out flyers for an extra $5.00. EVERY single one of my pennies goes to rent, food and paying my education off -- and cant wait for the day when i can stop worrying about the evil green that haunts my sleep and restless mind. dont feel sorry for me though -- i just want everyone to realize that this is HOW i want to earn my awesome life, working my fingers to the bone and having NO ONE else to thank for it besides MYSELF first and foremost and the family and friends who have helped me get to where i am now. the hours that i do sleep at night are restful, and my heart is more at peace than its ever been -- and thats all that ive ever desired.

(mini) vacation mode

2009-07-26T10:59:00.001-07:00

Vintage Sunset Beach
Originally uploaded by Chromentia

when i started using all caps in emails with my coworkers, i realized it was time for a much needed vacation. ive been racking up vacation time at my job, which ive had for about a year now - and decided that i am going to use it more on ME kind of days. days where i have nothing to do but to create and accomplish for myself -- cause i have to admit, im really sick of putting all this effort on a daily basis for someone else. this fact has pretty much slapped me in the face in the last few weeks and im planning to MAKE MOVES in the next couple months. i hope to share the moves i make here for whomever stumbles upon this blog and definetly my loyal readers <3 (mini) internet/work vacation and will have many stories to tell when im back on wednesday.

peace.

OMG excitement all around

2009-07-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

last week was stressful, as it was rewarding and i am happy that i can see the difference between the two now that i am super relaxing on a GORGEOUS sunday. i finally decided after alot of coffee and this surge of inspiration coming at me (thanks to billy143!) i decided that i officially wanted to open my own business. i had an entire monday off last week and got more done, and made "more money" on the side than i would of at work anyday. why? because i was doing it for myself, i am sure. and 2, because im a productive, smart, creative and honest person who will survive this economy and is SO sick of working for people who will never be able to appreciate her true worth. i even walked into a bank and made a business checking account! hey, i am NOT going to sleep on this - and hope that i can do well with what i have inside my head which i know if i try - i can make it a success!

[drum roll please!!!]

ladies and gentlemen, and sphynx kitties of the world -- INTRODUCING the lastest and greatest from LADY SAUCE, RHYMES & DESIGNS

do you like the name? i kinda love it. my mission statement is in the works, but i will be showcasing and selling (for very low prices) my newest paintings, ideas, songs -- cough, cough hopefully an EP coming soon!), design, sewing projects and photography as well. with every penny that i make, i plan on putting it right back in the business. i have $20 dollars now in my bank account and want to double that in a month -- and probably add a few zeros on it after a year. i will most likely keep the same blog since who i am will be my business and its my business to be who i am! [whoots!]

im officially opening my etsy store (which is currently pretty bare) on August 1, 2009 and finally banged out my business cards this morning.

heres a sneak peek:

its true, I AM keeping it simple. stay tuned!

my music myspace

2009-07-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

i decided that i do really want to be considered seriously now, so OF COURSE that means a music myspace had to be officially created.

check me out here: http://www.myspace.com/iamladysauce

i'll still be updating mostly here regarding shows and future musical endeavors.

KEEP HIP-HOP ALIVE.

biographical update -- reality show?

2009-07-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

if you know me, you know that i am always trying out a new "scheme" on craiglist. ive realized lately that the doubt that i had about making money (or should i say ever HAVING it) needs to be turned into rage and full-force aggressiveness towards all the money that is out there in the world. one of my favorite places to do this is on craigslist -- and have been paid crazy amounts for doing the craziest of studies, gigs, and focus groups.

today i decided to take a chance and reply to a post for a Boston based reality show that is doing a casting call.

heres what the post read:

A startup production company with a major distributor is casting their new docudrama reality show.We are looking for interesting people to build a reality show around. Are you wacky/funny, or how about too many jobs for being so young? Contact us today! You
can turn your funny/wacky, or having too many jobs, or just being a slacker stories into reality tv.

This reality show is for a major network. We are open to all types of, 18+, any ethnicities, tell us about you and we will be in touch.

Please email us your
1. Name (per who is submitiing)
2. Contact Information
3. Location
4. 1-5 Sentences describing you.
5. Also-one story about you that you think makes you perfect for reality tv.

and here is what i sent them this morning:

My name is Seana, but my family and friends call me "Sauce", an affectionate nickname that I was dubbed with about 6 years ago and I'm convinced will never go away.

I am a 23 year old female living each day to the fullest. I am what I am and I have no shame in my game. I rap, I paint, and I talk fast. I have met someone from 80% of every country in the world. My biological father just "cut me off" along with 3 of my other sisters -- but I still am the oldest of 10 siblings.

I am a Capricorn "shorty", who is living the life of her dreams in a 200 year old loft apartment in the city of Boston. When I was younger, I really wanted to "change the world". Now i just want to see it and experience each day that I am offered. I adore classic hip-hop, jeopardy, strong coffee and even stronger beer. I am truly inspired by warm days, crazy dreams, delicious food & the independent talent that lies in the young adult generation of today.

I am the queen of getting things for free, and for flying by the seat of my pants. I am probably one of the most positive people you will ever meet - with a heart full of gold, pockets full of lint and a handful of cash that flies in and out of my hands so quickly. I give this city of Boston (where I have lived for 6 years now) all that I have, and once and a while -- I get it back. Tourists are the best source of income, but the desperate yet personable individual that I am, I participate in craigslist gigs, part-time jobs, focus groups and research studies at least twice a week. I was never rich -- never came from money, and my parents came from less than that. As children of immigrants they instilled a strong sense of determination -- and also a strong sense of pride in the personal values that you hold rather than how much money is in your bank account at a given moment.

I am in the very beginning phases of starting my own business. I received my first undergraduate degree (in Human Services) in 2008 from Northeastern- am became the first person in my family EVER to graduate college. I am getting my second undergraduate degree in Graphic Design for free thanks to the full-time job that I have. I am extremely interested in the human race, cultures, and how people make decisions and travel through this journey of life. I love hearing peoples stories - and I love taking chances. I can not wait to share my story one day.

carbonmade

2009-07-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

so there is a nifty little site out there called carbonmade. i found out about it many moons ago from someone that i was working with who wanted to start a design portfolio at the lowest cost possible. the site amazed me from the moment i clicked on it and i FINALLY got around to starting it up today.

check it out! : http://ladysauce.carbonmade.com/

flickr- ing.

2009-07-02T07:04:00.001-07:00

the cutest eyes
Originally uploaded by ladysauce

i totallllly forgot that i had a flickr and an incredible camera too -- so i shook of the dust of both the other day and was happy with the results.

here are some of my favorites:

the beauty of freestylin'.

2009-06-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

weekends during the summer are becoming mini vacations for me. i mean that in all honesty, having friday through sunday off is the most perfect amount of time for me to wind down from the week, spend time with the loves of my life, and really focus on me for three days. something another thing that this four day work week / summer has helped me out with is RELAXING.

the products of relaxin, thinking, and having quiet time for myself have been really awesome lately. something that i would attribute to relaxing is how much ive been into making and creating art and music lately. this weekend in particular, jake and i spent alot of time practicing freestylin. its hiphops roots if you ask me and with the right beats (Evidence & REDLIST preferably) we impressed each other and cracked each other up all weekend. i hope its something that we can continue to do -- and we both know that practicing is really the fun of it all.

until jake and i perfect our skills, you should check out this freestyle battlers that our friend h.w. showed us a few weeks ago. the are incredibly sick -- and i think anyone who is trying to make it in rap needs to watch this. thesaurus and illmaculate from the world rap champions in 2006.

paintings - post 1 of 1,000,000

2009-06-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

alright, so now i really have the bug. in the past month (since the day that i dropped my summer class) all i have wanted to do is create -- really anything! mostly.

maybe they are a little elementary for now, but i think the important part is to KEEP painting to grow. this inspriation is coming from everywhere -- and im just really trying to run with it, never better, and never slowing down.my crazy father always used to say "practice makes permanent, because noone is perfect". im going to take that with a grain of salt and continue to practice my painting release, expression, mediation -- the list goes on.

i have NO idea what i am going to do next, or what i will even do with these paintings -- but the ideas and colors just keep coming alive on my canvas so im going to go for it.

get [at] me if you are interested in any of the ones pictured or have a request. yes, i am serious email: iamladysauce [at] gmail.com.

artbeat! with/ hw, dj emoh, and left over wine.

2009-06-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

so, tuesday was a really incredible night thank you to josh hw, dj EMOH and writious. list was invited to do set at a community art center in lowell, ma called the 119 cafe. truly a unique opportunity for both of us. here are some shots for the night...

(special thanks so an incredible photographer who shared them on fb! thanks jen!)

lets catch up.

2009-06-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

something that i inherited from my father was flying by the seat of my pants. thats a phrase right? the point that im just trying to get across is that my father was and still is spontaneous as hell. just last week, my sister and i were "reminiscing" of the crazy places we used to go with him, the twisted logic he taught us, and how after all - hes still looking for something better out there -- or the next great idea that will make him feel good and possibly rich too.

so im not going to get all depressed and shit and start blogging about how my fathers disappearance in my life has done major things to me. all of those stories are going towards the book ill write someday. i just think it is significant to mention because thats why ive been "hiding" from this blog -- because even though the best writing comes out of frustration or hurt for me, i prefer not to do grieve so publically.

this process is important to share for any one out there who knows me or who will ever know me or whom ever is dealing with maybe the same issues. being "cut off" by your parents hurts, but doing the "cutting off" to your own parent is empowering as it is crushing.

what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and its true more than ever. my confidence has bloomed into something i finally like myself and im just so excited for days that are ahead of me.

okay im back.

2009-06-24T06:48:00.001-07:00

i tried wordpress and i just didn't like it the same! im back to blogger and im back in blogging action.

watch out now!

well, hello!

2009-05-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

sorry its been so long since my last post - this week was one hell of one with work kicking my ass in ways that i really didn't know that it could. exhausting - but overall, a very accomplishing week.

and a very social one at that too for us! we have have officially come out of heirbernation mode and are feeling like being friendly people once again ;]

we have a SHOW tonight - at the good ol no. 9 ale house. we rehearsed our set last night and hit it pretty much dead on. if you can - come out and support local hiphop! you'll have a good time i promise.

the weather has been all over the place lately - but one thing is for sure - spring is here and theres no turning back now. i cant believe that its may and that there are only more sunny & warm days on its way. THIS is my time of year.

...and this is me and my man in our apartment! (and beretta too...) the new imac beast we got the other day mirror'd the pic - but i think it came out really cute [and our place looks dope!]

oh SNAP!

2009-04-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

this is why i love facebook and why i love people who take pictures wherever they go & also upload them with the quickness.

check it out!

i guess you could say this is proof that im a real live mc! ;]

4.20.09 - mcfaddens show

2009-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

this place is fucken awesome - and the show was TOO.

look at my fine man, and early adopted during "peace and security".

photo definetly stolen from facebook (THANKS!)

this show rocked as it was one of the busiest day of boston (marathon monday!) our happy 420 show was off-the-hook & am looking forward to doing more shows at this same place in fanniel hall. i met alot more new loud neighborz family and friends - and loved their set as well. green grass revival brought the noise up and jammed with their band in the beggining with j-smokes flying all over the keys. team RL & Sauce brought it hard & we tried two new songs "transitions" and "when i breathe" that both got the crowd moving and brought alot of energy to the place.

thanks to all who came out (and will come out to future shows!)!

30 day shred - day 30

2009-04-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

well, well, well - i am offically someone who works out!

over these past 30 days, i dont think that i dropped 30 pounds, but i did change a seroius life habit and am stronger & leaner than ive been in a long time! i dont have a scale, but my guess is by how my clothes fit - that i dropped between 5 and 7 pounds. im not even really concerned about my weight really - just the feeling of a stronger body was my goal in the first place.

over these past 30 days, i didn't miss a week without working out. i did have some slacking weeks - only fitting 1 or 2 days of 20 minutes in the morning. but at times, i even impressed myself with one week getting up for 5 out of 7 mornings to sweat my ass of with jillian.

I FEEL GREAT. and am looking forward to working harder now that i know that i can actually do an entire series of workouts. jillian was a little obnoixus - but thats what i really needed to litterally get my ass back in shape. all of the workouts were challenging and accomplishing - and feel like levels 1 and 3 were my absolute favorite ones on the DVD. not a fan of all the jumping, but i pounded through (and hopefully woke my neighbor downstairs). like i said, i feel solid, and was never more excited to put on my spring clothes from last year that actually fit!

i started thinking about getting another tape this morning - which i think that i will do once i get absoutely bored with this one. i also started thinking about running again this morning - and besides the fact that it scares the hell of me that im even thinking of doing it again - i really DO think i can!

ill keep updating with my excercising adventures - especially as the spring rolls in. and last but not least, i would fully FULLY recommend the 30 day shred to anyone who feels like they need to get motivated and work out again. it definetly worked for me!

new kicks!

2009-04-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

[sigh.]

i feel like all of my money is going to student loans - and or the bills that i already pay a month [which thankfully isn't too many]. i decided to splurge on myself the other day and found this awesome deal on css -girls for these adorable vans slip ons. i had a pair a few years ago [2005 i believe] and remember them being super comfortable shoes. and with spring on its way it - i know im going to need a pair of those shoes that you are my go-to, colorful, walkin kicks!

they should be here by thursday - BUT im hoping sooner!!!

mermaids!

2009-04-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

Paper Doll: Mermaid, originally uploaded by renmeleon.

...mermaids! recently been inspired and cant stop thinking about one as a tattoo. found this awesome paper doll design of one tonight. probably will construct it at work tomorrow. :]

new shows :: in boston !!!

2009-04-07T19:52:00.001-07:00

and

so pumped.

it just all makes sense now!

2009-04-05T20:03:00.001-07:00

YES!

[[[ huggs ]]]

2009-04-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

oh i missed you blog, i really did. i feel like this week has been one hell of a week as wednesday has already come to an end.

things ive been up to lately:

+ my last graphic design project
+ working on a catalog for my job
= lots of work in indesign, which i actually LOVE

+ shred'in
+ saving money
+ sleeping better
= happy sauce

things that im really excited about doing, now that i dont have class again till mid june:
+ personal design practice/potential portfolio work
+ finish a painting for my sister sav
+ WARM weather walks & soon to be wearing skirt weather
+ two shows lined up (one on 4.20 and one on 5.2)
= again, a very happy, and productive sauce

stay tuned.

30 day shred - day 7

2009-03-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

its been officially a week since i ripped the plastic coating off 'jillian michaels - 30 day shred' dvd - and im SO happy with the results i am already seeing and feeling.

this first week was for sure, the hardest to get through. i did level 1 on saturday, monday, wednesday, friday, and saturday - and feel like i have to do it one more day before i move on to level 2 (which will hopefully be today).

every muscle in my body feels tighter and stronger. every article of my closet fits me so much better and more comfortably. i feel like i sleep better and that i have more energy during the day. i am SO proud of myself for actually starting an exercise routine after all these years of using nocotine to loose weight.

now, all i have to do is convince my sisters that it will work for them too!

adventures with graphic design & a homage to our building.

2009-03-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

the most incredible of the benefits of working for higher education - is actually the gift of free higher education for yourself! when i started my job, i took a semester to decide what would actually be the best route for my post-undergraduate education. after months of contemplating the present, past, and future, i decided that i would get another undergraduate degree in graphic design.

its the degree that i wanted to pursue right out of high school - but was warned by my mom that it wouldn't be the smartest choice. im glad that i waited because not only do i have years under my belt of pent-up creativity - but it also gives me a whole new outlook on education, art classes, and graphic design --not being a full time student anymore.

ive been doing really well - and am so proud of myself (for once). tomorrow i meet with the graphic design advisor at my school to see if im ready to officially apply to the program. [fingers crossed]

here is my latest project.

the first part of it was to create an abstract illustration using only type. the second part of this project was to use that illustration to grace a beer [or] wine label. since were homebrewers, i had to go with the beer.

~~im so excited to present today!~~ i got an A!

30 day shred - day 3

2009-03-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

wow. i had NO idea i was going to be THIS sore. thx jillian.

i took yesterday off because every muscle in my body was sore. today they didn't feel much better, but i knew if i took 2 days off that i would never turn on the dvd again. still feeling great and energized from the workout. im REALLY impressed!

i really wish that i had a scale, but im going to the drs. on friday - and should be able to weigh myself then. ya!

incredible vintage find on craigslist.

2009-03-22T22:03:00.001-07:00

i know that ive been a good person - when an item of such worth comes my way for free. ive adored vintage items since i was about 14 & am so happy that i now have a home to build and cherish them in. last week, i connected with a generous lady in the back bay. she had a red, american tourister bag that she said she wanted to give to someone who would use it. no charge. i thanked my lucky stars and thankfully we were able to arrage a deal & pickup today.

i took some pictures of the bag this afternoon when i got home out of excitement.

incredible vintage condition.

original lock & key.
beautiful, pristine inside print.

a beautiful cherry color to catch every eye that you pass.

thank you so much!

we were feeling quite asian on saturday.

2009-03-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

and noodle soups are what we craved for breakfast. jake prefers to shop at shaws - and though im not a huge fan of the shaws in the city , they do have quite an interesting 'foods of the world' section. we stumbled upon these noodle soups during our shopping trip last week.

they were quite delicious. i added frozen peas and sweet corn (from trader joes) to his soup. to mine, a mix of 'broccoli stirfry veggies' i had in the freezer.

just delicious.

30 day shred - day 1

2009-03-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

so now that we have offically made it into spring - i have offically made a commitment this morning to get my ass back in shape. the hardest thing for me to 'get over' when i quit cigarettes was the weight gain. i dropped 20 pounds when i started smoking and now im looking to drop close to that now that ive quit and im FINALLY motivated to start exercising again.

now, im not the gym type person at all. i ran a marathon in the past and would like to never really run again. my ideal workout is a 20-40 minutes of moving my bod in the comfort of my own home. jake got me a yoga tape for chirstmas that i was really digging - but the results were more mentally than physically. then, my girl alana at work told me about jillian michael's 30 day shred.

i knew jillians face from seeing the biggest loser (maybe twice) and read reviews about it for weeks. i told my mom (who is a new workout fanatic!) and she bought it for me for valentines day. i was really excited about this cause from what i read - it did work.

it was collecting dust for about a month on my shelf and i cracked it open this morning. and OMG i wish that i started sooner. you workout (cardio-strenght-abs) in a 'circut' for 20 minutes. i sweat more than i have sweat in 2 years and got an incredible burst of energy after.

id like to do posts my adventures with this workout and if i too can drop 20 pounds (or close to it!) in 30 days like the dvd promises.

day 1- march 21 :: day 30 - april 19
lbs. - 125 :: goal lbs - 105

new bangs.

2009-03-18T18:06:00.001-07:00

...and a hyper kitty.

they look mostly messy in this, but im kinda like em!

my sweetheart in the sweet sunshine.

2009-03-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

i dont know what i would do without this little lady.

beretta stared out the window for about 4 hours the other day when it was 60 degrees.

i just love her so much!

team j & s - pour house, boston - march 14

2009-03-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

welcoming with open arms.

2009-03-09T08:20:00.001-07:00

i grew up in new england. i spend a year and some change in san diego, california when i was 17/18 - then moved to boston shortly january 2005. it was the worst winter in ages. since then, i ask myself how ive survived (offically) 4 winters there after. AND part two of that thought, do winters just SUCK when you're in the city - or especially in the city of Boston ?

[note: open up a search engine/google what favorite comedian of mine Lewis Black has to say about the weather in Boston]

well, every new englander and bostonian was super blessed this weekend - with the amazing grace of 60 degree temperatures. the snow in our courtyard has melted away [ and even though there is snow in the forecast tomorrow ] - im so optimistic for warmer weather our way. which then = a very VERY happy sauce. do i smell a new spring wardrobe on its way? oh definetly.

im kind of, finally, getting the hang of tanking pictures as well. and what a better excuse then sunshine and being outside is there to start practing taking pictures even more.

sharing a few shots of this weekend and then signing off.

[our sunday morning line-up.]

[beretta, soaking in that 60 degree sun!]

you can always check out my flickr [ link on the right ] for my new (and very improved!) picture taking.

figuring out how to focus.

2009-03-07T16:27:00.001-08:00

ive recently made some changes in my body and brain chemistry - and im happy to say that its working. my focus has been so ON and motivation, right back at where i nostalgically remember.

lol. the sleepiest face., originally uploaded by ladysauce.

and coincidentally enough, i figured out how to use my macro-focus on my camera.

how much do i love that sleepy little kitty face!

today was a BEAUTIFUL day.

2009-03-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

i really hope the weather is here to stay. i dont even care if it rains - just NO more snow please, and NO more below freezing temperatures.

[ jake & i in the courtyard this afternoon ]

mcfaddens show - 03.02.09

2009-03-03T10:43:00.000-08:00

if you were to tell me four years ago that i would be on stage preforming hiphop for a crowd - i probably wouldn't have believed it. i would have entertained the idea, but deep down inside, wouldn't believe that i could do it. im a huge motivator and really enthusiastic about other people pursuing amazing feats - but when it comes to myself, im usually the one to deny any idea of doing something brave that i actually want to do.

good thing that the tables have been turning for me in regards to my self esteem. and it was almost surreal to actually watch myself performing with my man on monday night, and have to say that im so proud of him (and pretty proud of myself too).

needless to say: the show last night was awesome.

i really wish we had pictures, but some video clips are definetly in the works. thank you to all who came out! and for those who stayed warm inside, no worries, there will be PAH-LENTY MORE to come!

snow day - show day!

2009-03-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

ive never been so happy on a monday morning.

a robot from suffolk called me at 530 am to tell me that i didn't have to go to work today due to weather conditions. we slept till noon and have been waking up watching beretta be hyper kitty.

what i am really pumped about though is our SHOW tonight.
mcfaddens @ 9 pm.

light italian wedding soup

2009-03-01T14:59:00.001-08:00

italian wedding soup, originally uploaded by ladysauce.

one of my "things to do" this weekend was to try make a new soup.

once the weather dips below 50 degrees, im in the mood for soup. i remember watching a seinfeld when i was younger and jerry opens up with a sketch out loving soup so much that you'd take it in an iv. i am one of these creatures in every way.

this winter i promised myself that i would learn how to "cook soup" (this is OUR first real kitchen) and started off with weeks of chicken noodle. i must have made that sick day soup recipe from bread and honey about 15 different ways. then i dont make it one weekend and i get sick. like the worst i have been sick in probably 3 years.

this week i made an amazing recovery and promised myself that i was cooking a new soup for dinner one night - and lunches this week. after much contemplation - i chose this soup from martha stewart everyday food magzine (jan/feb 09 issue). i cant wait to try it! jake says it looks too healthy, but i think it looks absolutely delicious with the best escarole i've ever seen in my life.

my sweetiepie in the saturday sun.

2009-03-01T10:06:00.001-08:00

my sweetpie in the sun., originally uploaded by ladysauce.

i just checked the forecast and the predictions are snow until tuesday - with various gusts of wind. oh please can i get a snowday out of this? hopefully this will be the last storm with snow in it this "winter" season. im probably being optimistic since it IS march now, and the last real punch of winter is boston starts right about now.

well, its a good thing that i have two new soup recipes to try! :] i even hit up whole foods this morning to grab a fresh baugette to eat them with. pictures later...maybe?

beretta and i had a little photoshoot yesterday in the sun and im posting a picture to forget about the snow fo a while.

my 5 o clock breakfast

2009-02-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

i woke up really late today (but was happy about that cause i REALLY needed the rest) & jake went to salem to practice with early adopted about 1/2 hour after we woke up. the sun was shining and i made a relatively easy to accomplish to do list for the day over my super strong coffee. first off - grocery shopping, especially while the sun was out because i definetly haven't had my fill of solar energy lately.

on my way back from trader joes, i was finally getting the grumbles in my stomach to eat. what would my first meal of the day be? it took me about 1 minute flat to decide that i definetly wanted my idea of the perfect breakfast. usually jake does the breakfast cooking and he does so amazingly. i thought i'd give my version of an ultra super mega deluxe breakfast an honest try. boy im glad that i did.

recently, i've been ordering eggs sunny side up when we go out to breakfast. this is the way my sweetheart always orders them and after being a pigeon to his plate, decided this is the way that i like my eggs. i was actually pretty grossed out by eggs until about 6 months ago. scrambled was SERIOUSLY the only way i thought you could order eggs ever (see my "food adventures" post earlier this month for why) & they were always cold when i got them. this is why i didn't eat eggs for approximately 15 years.

so i called my mom who always can give me wonderful cooking advice. my stepdad was also there and he was pretty much raised a chef - so i knew i was in luck. she explained the simple (yes, i was surprised) way to make a sunny side up egg. i whipped it up as soon as i got home. i decided to take a picture of my 5 oclock breakfast and figured this would be a good blog entry & could share the picture of my first EVER time making sunny side eyes at 23 years old. haha.

it might not be that pretty, but it was SO delicious. have the trader joes salsa in the background because i was planning to doctor the "mistake" egg with something, and that was the best looking thing in my refrige. especially with the salsa on my mistake egg. now i know why kids always put ketchup on their eggs.

im so excited about the weekend!

2009-02-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

the weather is just gorgeous today in Boston and i feel 1000001% better than i did last week at this time. i feel like i have this weekend to catch up on all the fun personal stuff that i didn't get done last week and that i've been meaning to do.

here are a few things on my list for this weekend:

- attempt at concocting a new soup

- attempt at baking a new dish

- finish my really cool homework assignment for this week

- spring clean and get rid of some of the junk in my life!

- sketching some ideas for new tattoos

- work on 'daydream', the new song that jake and i plan to write and record soon

thats all for now folks!

oh, goodness i cant get enough of this.

2009-02-26T06:16:00.000-08:00

thank you so much to my redlist who passed this along to me.

hahahahaha.

the p.o.s show - 2.22.09

2009-02-23T15:41:00.001-08:00

one of the things i said that i wanted to use this blog for from the beginning was a place to do show reviews. i feel like there isn't anywhere in boston or on the good ol interbews where i can see an honest fans (or not fans) review of live music in boston. more particularly, boston hiphop. i feel like over the past 5 years, the boston hiphop scene has unfolded to me in a variety of ways - most ways that i love. its also really ill being in a city known for conciousness and music - and always being a tour stop. its also rules that our friend works as the bouncer at the bar that our kind of shows stop at alot.

[ so without further delay: ]

pos never better tour- featuirng sims & mike mictlan of doomtree - the locksmiths
harpers ferry, allston rock city, ma. weather forecast: shitty snow & rainy mix 40 big D degreez.

pros: the locksmiths, man that lil mc with those big dreads can really kill it. their dj looked like a spitting image of evidence, and claimed that he was "too high to do the show". that is a good thing. seeing hiphop preformed live, and seeing ill people like sims slay the mic and really got the crowd going. i was definetly entertained and it felt so good to drink beer and watch live hiphop after being so sick for the past week.

cons: where the HELL did doomtree + pos find a following with the hipster scum kids of allston. holy shit i was surprised when i walked into harpers ferry and the place was BUMPING. and i mean that like ive never seen that place so packed for HIP-HOP. besides the distraction of those people and the pissed off bartenders, each set went on for 45 minutes. it was 12:50 when pos announced he had 4 more songs. we HAD to peace at that point.

im my opinion, definetly a solid show. wasnt too into the whole posse vibe of doomtree - but still was highly entertained and mostly impressed at ill lyrical skill of some pretty talented dudes.

being sick SUCKS

2009-02-22T08:29:00.000-08:00

im drinking my first cup of coffee in 7 days. and if you know me, that the longest i've gone without having coffee or any caffeinated substance in probably 4 years.

ive been fighting awful cold that paralyzed my head, throat, chest, and all sinus regions since monday and i absolutely hated it. im NEVER sick and ive just been so miserable this week. im so grateful that today im feeling about 90% of myself again.

when i get like this, the hardest thing for me to do is: nothing. and nothing is what ive been doing since monday. my mom had to remind me last night that its okay to do nothing until i started feeling better. for someone who wishes there were more hours in a day, this is really hard to hear. i think the hardest thing for me to take on is what i missed while i was under the influence of dayquil and 100 degree fevers.

with the help of my favorite herbal remedy, and alot of that positive thinking (that i used to have abundance amounts of), i need to pump myself up for getting my shit in gear and back on track for this week.

i really owe 10000000 thanks & kisses to my redlist who has been my right hand man as always, even when i was at my worst. <3

quite an inspriation

2009-02-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

my little kitty Beretta recently inspired a project in my first graphic design class at NESAD. we are in our fourth week already and i feel like i'm really getting it & flexing my creative muscle much more.

here is my logo for my "fictious company" assignment:

beretta is getting famous!

2009-02-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

well, just a little bit. i purchased a sweater from BeanTownHandmade, a store on etsy that features handmade knit dog sweaters and accessories. i messaged the owner and asked if she would create a custom sweater for our little hairless princess. i was so excited to finally find some warm clothes for her. i feel so guilty that we brought her to such a cold place - but she seems to always find a way to get warm.

well, the other day, the wind was blowing but the sun was brilliantly shining in through our apartment windows. beretta was woken up by the sun, and with her sleepy eyes found all the warms spots on our floor where the sun was. she sat there basking for a minute when i then, got an idea! i thought, this would be a great time to put on her new sweater and get a great picture with the beatiful sunlight.

thanks to my mans incredible photography skills, we got this awesome shot:

he uploaded it that night (really fast for him!) and i almost immediately sent it to Anne from BeantownHandmade. and guess what! she is now featuring Beretta on her blog, and is making a listing for future spyhnx cat sweaters. She is using Beretta as the model in her store. what an honor!

thanks again to anne for making our little snugglebun sphynx just that much more snuggly!

this dedicated to the one i love

2009-02-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

[photo taken: 10-2007]

and that one i love is named Jacobus. we met in november of 2006 and is the best thing that happend to my life. (beretta is a close 2nd) even as i write this blog, i wonder why and how i was able to meet this incredible man who loves me infinitely.

[honestly, one of our first kisses 11-2006]

instead of going along with the crowd and spending money on an expensive dinner or candy/flowers that will go bad, we get to "celebrate" our love by doing a show together tomorrow night. this is so special to me, because its jakes first show in Boston and the fact that i get to share the stage with him, makes me feel (extremly) honored.

thank you for being the man you are and the best friend that i always wanted. i love you more than words<3.

take me back...

2009-02-09T09:04:00.001-08:00

to sf, please.
thank you to ping ping on flickr for the image.

beretta is getting so big!

2009-02-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

beretta is almost 8 months old and we have really started to notice a change in her. shes growing! her kitten features are turning into ones of a beautiful lady cat.

here she is relaxing with her dad. [check out how big her paws are getting!]

...and apparently jake isnt the only one who was thirsty for chai this morning.

food adventures

2009-02-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

yes. i love food. and i have thoroughly have enjoyed experimenting with food after growing up with a very limited diet. im talking i ate about 5 or 10 things until i was about 10 years old. among these 5 or 10 things were: poptarts, frosted flakes, mac & cheese, cucumbers, and bologna and cheese sandwiches. oh, and i cant forget fishsticks. my mother firmly believed that she was never going to feed her children vegetables, because she was force-fed them as a child herself. then i go and turn vegetarian at the age of 10 and really started to not only eat healthier, but eat in a way that was an experiment everytime.

two years ago now, ive gone back to the dark side of eating meat -- and have really never felt better. my favorite food 5 years ago, was still macaroni and cheese. today, if you were to ask me, i would have to say leg of lamb, medium rare, with a side of potato (prepared just about any way). [side note: this dish is amazingly served at gaslight, where my handsome man & i celebrated our 2nd year anniversery].

along with my food-ventures over the past 12 years, ive also jumped into the wonderful world of cooking and baking for my man and myself. my inspiration you may ask? well, for (1), my man, who taught me that you really dont have to follow a recipe to create a great dish. another reason being when youre cooking for yourself, youre not only saving a helllll of a lot of $$, but are making sure that your food is as healthy and preservative free as possible. thirdly, this summer i found a food blog written by two lovely ladies in portland, oregon called bread and honey. summer and alicia bring amazing recipes down to earth and include mouth watering pictures as well.

ive tried many of their recipes (and am looking forward to trying many more), and am no longer afraid of turning on the stove to make dinner or a different dish. the days of microwaving broccoli and eating cereal for dinner are not over. jake & i have decided to try one new recipe a week.

this week: quiche. stay tuned for how that goes.

this is the most fun i've ever had watching the superbowl...

2009-02-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

and that is the truth right there!

the menu tonight:

+ breaded buffalo chicken tenders w/ blue cheese & celery sticks

+ potato skins w/ sour cream

+ jalepeno poppers

...and if we still have room for more...

+ nachos

the commercials have been awesome and i've been actually laughing out loud. and...i've never seen my redlist so into football!

GO CARDINALS!

...cant WAIT for the next OFFICE!

the winter slump...

2009-02-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

as summer turned into a beautiful fall, i was already mentally preparing myself for the wretched Boston winter. every year, i say, "oh this one will be different, " and come up with a million reasons in my head where i wont let the awful cold and grey affect my personality, my mood, and my body.

now we are officially a month and a half in, and have about 2 more months to go. the past two weeks since i've posted last have been rough -- mentally and physically, and that always comes out in my writing, so i tried not to post.

i've been hearing birds chirp when as i open my eyes to a brand new day, and sun actually shined through my apartment windows yesterday afternoon. little signs are everywhere, but with 110% effort i have to fight through the rest. so i decided this morning, that i'm gonig to post everyday till this awful season ends, a way (everyday) to forget about the cold & grey.

today's happy goes to:

something hiding in here. i came across this adorable couple kicking it in philly, who kind of reminds me of me & my man. jake now says im in "apartment mod" mode. they were super inspirational and got me thinking of hundreds of ideas for our very similar loft.

i really should be doing my homework, but...

2009-01-20T15:57:00.000-08:00

can i just say how beautiful the inauguration was today?
as i get older, i now know why people say they are "proud to be an american".
....give me a break, im 23.

this has got to be my favorite part:

"What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works"

this is why i voted for Mr. Barack Obama.

and this just in...a 27 year old "wrote" the speech for our 44th President. well BIG props to Jon Favreau.

i am so happy i saw and heard a speech today from a man who i coudn't be happier to call my President.

hope has just begun.

our kitty :: miss beretta

2009-01-19T09:44:00.000-08:00

after a sleepy photoshoot yesterday, had to share these pictures.
beretta is 6 months old now.

"the far left" - evidence featuring alchemist & fashawn

2009-01-18T11:44:00.000-08:00

i can not get enough of this video for so many reasons.
enjoy.