my love / hate relationship with BOSTON

in january, i will have been a resident of the city of Boston for 5 years. FIVE YEARS?!?! whoa.

five years ago, i never thought i would be saying this -- or even would be alive so i guess its not as scary or shocking as im making it out to be.

BOSTON IS MY HOME.

after high school i fled to the west coast -- san diego to be exact -- and was there for a year and some change for college. i never felt so free, smart, and independent (well...until now) but my family needed me as much as i needed ME. 2004 brought alot of changes and by january 2005 i was climbing upstairs with boxes, into one of the seediest apartments i ever lived in (of course a Northeastern dorm). a handful of people from my highschool went to school in the Bean, but never found the time to visit or hang out enough. i dipped into an immediate depression that ive only recently began to start to heal.

i lived in countless apartments. i was hurt by alot of people, and have been loved by few. ive always had at least two jobs and a smile on my face most of the time. i graduated college two years ago and have held a full-time job since ive graduated. ive scrapped so many pennies, and i know there are alot more to find and scrape. im going back for my second degree and am learning incredible new things about myself everyday.

every other day for the past 5 years, ive thought of going bac, back to cali. the urge especially comes when the weather SUCKS (which is does 9 months of the year here) or when im bored with who i am or what i've come to. those thoughts really ran away this summer. every now and again, redlist and i mention just picking up and peacing out to the best west coast - but we know where our "home" is.

riding the silver line the other day, it hit me though. i dont want to go ANYWHERE. i love BOSTON. i love boston even when a crackhead man is about to throw up on me after asking me for a spare cigarette. i love boston when it rain, pours, snows, or is 90 degrees all in the same day. i love reaping off the tourists and knowing streets that people didn't even know exist in this city, like the back of my hand. i love bostons consistent attitude and rich rich history of literally the place the country started its revolution. i really believe that i belong here -- and for the first time EVER the other day, i thought to myself "i really want to be here. and stay here"

maybe my family will start to realize that I LIVE HERE and THIS IS MY HOME. next Tuesday i will be standing in line at the RMV ready to smile real big for my Mass ID picture. i'm really excited.

will be writing more on this subject as it is something i ponder quite frequently.

adjusting my tolerance

something ive been thinking about alot lately.

ADJUSTING MY TOLERANCE -- on so many levels.

its little things that lead me to make changes in myself for the better, but sometimes it takes me a long time to notice. i am ever so thankful for my best friend and man in my life who is honest with me.

i think a sign of maturity, and my own maturity is when you do hear criticism or brutal honestly, to not put up a defense right away. even though the truth is shocking sometimes you just really have to sit back and think about it -- and actually change.

i was never afraid of change. i think its a good thing -- of course if its for the better and best that you can be.

thats all for now.